Being a Mom

My youngest son is 5 years old. He hasn’t started kindergarten yet, so we get to spend time together alone, for a few hours, on weekdays. During most of these days I often find myself wanting to spend time doing chores, checking my emails and doing “stuff” as opposed to just “being” here with him. One day this week while he played, I just sat outside on the deck and caught up on my emails, worked on my computer and was there for him when he wanted my attention or wanted me to play with him. My munchkin played; no toys, no brothers just him and myself close by.

He doesn’t want me to bother too much. We have a ton of toys and notice he picked up the some bricks the contractor left and went to the sand pile (again left by the contractor) and began his own project. I just sat and watched, he sang and played and afterwards we ate together and were happy. I am glad I took the time to sit outside with him on this day.

When my older boys were his age I was able to take time to sit outside to play with them, engage them in activities and really spend more quality time with them. They are 16 months apart so my life revolved around caring for them. Now that I have three boys and there is a five-year gap between the middle and youngest son I find myself busier and not taking the time to really focus on my third son. He is going to begin school  this upcoming Fall, and I will miss these opportunities, so I have decided to spend more time with him and to allow him to be free to play and be a little kid for a little while longer. I will transition into a new season of motherhood soon. I will have all three boys out of the house for the first time in 12 years. When he goes to school I will miss this, so I will enjoy this time now.

In light of the current news of families losing their boys to murder, suicide and tragedy I just want to love on my sons and appreciate their life and my life with them. We are blessed to have these boys and I am blessed to be a Mom.

Being a Mom is so rewarding, difficult yes, but these days and moments are refreshing for me!

Love, Love,Love

Today is a day to share your love! There are so many ways to express love to your loved ones, your pets, your neighbors and most importantly yourself! If you have no one to share it with do it for yourself! Here are some ways I shared love today.

Hubby left to go out of town yesterday so I stuck a card in his bag and this morning I called to tell him to look for it. This morning, I woke up early enough to make heart pancakes for my three boys. Chocolate chip for my middle son, blueberry for my oldest, and regular ones for the baby (well he is 5, not such a baby anymore).

heart-shaped blueberry pancakes; made with fresh blueberries

I made a “love” playlist for my cycle class. We had class this morning at 9:45am and what better way to love yourself than taking a class to improve your health. This is one of my FAVORITE love songs, which I played in class:

I also gave them dark chocolate heart-shaped pieces of goodness! I have never done that before;  we all need a treat sometimes. Not all 45 took it, but some did and appreciated it. I appreciate them for working so hard. Some of my students work harder than I do and I love them for always coming back to my class and working hard with me and inspiring me to be better ( a better teacher and better with my own work out routine)!

There are great things you can do today and everyday to show love. Today, I have a friend who is going to write a letter to God, and express her love for Him! WOW! I think that is beautiful. SO, see today need not be a downer day. Give love, give it to a friend, a neighbor, your family, yourself. No greater gift is there that love. As Stevie says:

“Did you know true love asks for nothing?

Her acceptance is the way we pay.

Did you know that life is giving love again

To last forever, another day?”

Friends, Writing, Journals

My girlfriend sent me the most beautiful gift, a journal. Not just any journal, the picture above is the journal she sent me. She made it. She is an artist ; she designed the cover and hand stitched the paper inside of it. The beautiful paper inside has love jumping off the pages. I cannot wait until I begin to use it in this new year. She graciously sent me a card as well. The card has the art work on it as well. She knows of my blog and really meditated on how she wanted to design my journal. Inside the card she wrote this to me:

“The blue is for peace, love is the fiery yellow/orange as you are both happy/mellow, but can be also very passionate. And soul – a mixture of gray/brown which are elemental earth colors that are tied to your down to earth personality.”

Yes, I have a tear in my eye. That was so sweet and special to me. How beautiful she wrote and then captured it in her artwork. What is most important is that she helped me really understand my own blog and why I titled it as I did. Thank you my friend; I hope everyone can have a friend such as this. The amazing thing is that we were friends in college, not real close, but friends and she has always been so sweet and kind. We have reconnected through Facebook and are finding so many similarities and parallels in our lives. She is a beautiful soul and I am glad she is back in my life. I hope everyone can have a friend as this.

Now, I am even more committed to writing in my journal, blogging and sharing. My desire is to just help myself through this life and if it helps someone else than all is well.

Here’s to friends! Here’s to writing – do it if you can, find a journal, it can be healing and cathartic to the soul.

Peace – Love and Soul Y’all (After 10 years this Californian is truly turning into a Southerner!)

Peace, Love and Soul in 2012!

LOVE this picture! Washing away 2011 and seeing 2012 so vividly. Ready to begin 2012 anew and resume my passions and share myself through blogging once again. I had a period of writers block, busyness and just burn out. I stopped blogging and felt bad about it but had no real energy to continue. I’M BACK, and excited to be back in 2012. I’m leaving 2011 behind.

I wouldn’t wash all of 2011 away. I did have some great moments and the good out weighed the bad. These few weeks of holidays and vacations really culminated the year in a wonderful way for me. My family was around; there was no school, no traveling for work (my hubby does this A LOT ), and I felt the peace, love and soul in my life.

Peace – I am at peace with where I am in many areas of my life. Emotionally, physically (need to hit it hard in 2012), spiritually (growing and studying and delving deeper into my walk with God and in prayer), and in my relationships. Not that I have “arrived”, I have work to do, however I am at peace with where I am.

Love – Having my three boys and hubby around so much has made me appreciate them and love them being a part of my life so much. Not seeing my Mom and sister and family on the West coast makes my heart grow even fonder for them. I love my family and the life they have given me. My love for life and experiences and people really fill me with such joy.

Soul – I love the quote by C.S. Lewis that says (paraphrasing) you are a soul who has a body! I am going to take care of this vessel; this vessel houses a wonderful soul and I am thankful for it and thankful for being able to share my soul with others. I am thankful for the souls of others and am blessed to be able to share life with so many wonderful friends and family members. I am going to do my part to help others take care of their bodies too; so their souls can thrive.

I hope you have some peace, love and soul experiences in 2012 too!

Happy New Year!

A Heartbeat – Love

Yesterday I read this headline on my computer homepage.

Couple married 72 years dies holding hands – http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/44960859/ns/us_news-life/t/couple-married-years-dies-holding-hands/

Here is their picture

I was so moved by the story particularly with these details. The husband and wife were in the hospital room, lying next to each other and holding hands. Their family was surrounding them when the husband dies first. Although he wasn’t breathing, the monitor he was attached to was still reading a heartbeat. Well, his wife was still alive and the monitor was picking up her heartbeat through him! WOW!

An hour later she to passed and they were still holding hands.

The heart.

A couple stays married for 72 years, they are connected in many ways and in death he still could hold  her heart in his body. What a metaphor for relationships. It isn’t all “mechanics” and “how to do”…it is a heart matter.

When two people connect, they share their hearts. This physical demonstration of it just solidified to me what the human connection is about. We have life through relationships. We share our hearts and it gives sustenance to the other person and to us. The trials, tribulations and heartache are all a part of relationships too. But, no matter what, it is important to give of our heart, unconditionally, freely and know that in doing so we are being unselfish.

When you have the opportunity, give your heart beat to someone. It is hard to do at times. We feel vulnerable and scared…even in our own marriages and other relationships but learn to live and give it anyway.

I hope in the end your heartbeat lives not just through you but someone else too.

Wordless Wednesday Day -Moment of Grace- Love

An outward and visible sign of an inward and spiritual grace

Friday Love

So, this morning I was actually able to get to the grocery store and buy food, some lovely apples too. Now, the morning got off to a rocky start. My middle son and I, well the entire family, were still asleep as the school bus zoomed past the stop. Since the stop is our lawn I heard it drive right by, and knew it was 7:30am. Man, we were just all so tired from the actvities of the week. So, I resigned myself to taking him to school. My goal in the morning is to wake him up and not fuss…I figure he needs love first thing in the mornings before going to face the world at school. However, he seems to prefer fussing, groaning and giving me the side eye. I am the adult, I am the Mother, I will set the tone…be calm I tell myself. Right! Five minutes into it we are at odds. I am fussing, he is crying…it is just drama. Well, I did drive him to school, with one graham cracker and a glass of water in him (we had nothing else, I really needed to grocery shop). “I love you” I told him as he went into school, 15 minutes late.

As I drive home, the school bus for my older son drives on past and I pray he made it on the bus. I get home and he has! My hubby (he had been out of town all week) is awake, my youngest is dressed and all is good. Except the Viola didn’t make it on the school bus with older son and I have 15 minutes to feed the youngest, wash his face, make his lunch and get him to school. Yes, he was 15 minutes late too.

I managed to make it to the store, buy fruit and other things…lots of other things, drop off the Viola and make it home for a 10am meeting. Yes, I was 15 minutes late to that too.

Later, as I spent time washing the fruit I purchased, the apples made me SOOO happy! I sat and started at them and then ate a yummy gala apple. I tasted the crisp sweetness of it and looked at out my kitchen window. Looking at the beautiful trees, clear sky helped me reflect realize how blessed I am. I am in love with today because we have no football practices, no errands, no dates, nothing to do but be home as a family this evening! I love my family no matter how crazy our days may be, no matter how much we may fuss. I love them.

I love today…hope you had a lovely day too.