Emancipated Past and My Sons Future

photo credit Ki Taylor
http://www.twitter.com/akitaylor

One Hundred and fifty years ago, on January 1, President Lincoln signed the Emancipation Proclamation. I knew that bit of history and didn’t really think much of it (the 1st  is also my middle sons birthday so I was consumed with celebrating him), until I went to the post office. I needed to mail packages and found that I needed a stamp. When I saw the offerings of stamps I came across the commemorative stamp and had to purchase a page of them. They look really cool, don’t you agree?

I had to purchase them, because no matter how I feel about the politics of it all, the bottom line is, it changed the course for my people, forever. I had to purchase them because I need to show this to my three boys and, then begin the hard, emotional task of teaching them a vital part of their history.

Although it breaks my heart to have to teach them that only 150 years ago their ancestors were considered not to be people, but only property. Slaves. It’s a hard reality and one that breaks my heart. Why? Why, do they need to know? Because you learn from the past to prevent the same thing from happening in the  future. When someone calls them a “nigger” they need to know the ignorance and history behind why someone would think less of them. I cannot hide it from them. I have been called a nigger by mere strangers, with pure hatred towards me even though I had never met them in my life. They need to know.

I hate to have them know that only because of their skin color people will judge them, but it is a reality.

My husband, a professional, law abiding man, was just stopped the other day, before getting into his car at our hotel, because he “fit the description” of a unidentified robber in the vicinity. Two cops surrounded his car, startling him and I wonder what their intentions truly were. The hurt in my heart and the outrage in my spirit that is there because of that experience cannot be quenched and I have to protect my sons by teaching them history.

So, as many celebrate the emancipation  I acknowledge it and recognize the historical significance of it. I also use it to begin an educational process with my family, one I wish didn’t exist. One I hope time will heal and our society will change, however the reality is that is hasn’t yet. So, with a sorrowful heart I teach the boys that they are not the past, they are the future and they are AMAZING, STRONG, EDUCATED and INCREDIBLE.  As is their father, the man who supports his family, loves his family and contributes a lot to society. He is not a robber! He doesn’t deserve the treatment he received from police he received and our boys won’t either. I have to have them know this because they are the future.

Unsettling

That picture above is of a Nerf gun. It is called the Nerf Stampede gun. My 12-year-old really wanted it for Christmas. He has been very into Nerf guns for a couple of years now and it has been unsettling to me and my hubby. He gets the toy Nerf guns and then runs down to the basement to “mod” them out.

Very unsettling…

When the boys came along I was so sure I would be “that Mom”, no guns around Mom. My boys would be non-violent, respect women, and be a better man than most. Oh, and I wouldn’t be a yeller, spanker and never be  ”like my mom”. (You already know I am SO THAT MOM now.) SO, when they started running around and making guns with absolutely any and every straight thing they could find I figured water guns would be fine. Then that  evolved into them getting a gun as gift or two and us allowing them to keep them. OK, no biggie. the rule then became don’t point guns at people ESPECIALLY your Mom, Dad or brothers (probably the main folks they wanted to “pretend” shoot). THEN the Nerf toys showed up, it’s OK, they are like water guns right?

ME – ” Mod them out for what son??

Son – “MOM, I like thaking things apart and, I watch YouTube videos on it and, it’s cool”

Me and Dad – “Videos on Nerf guns???”

Son – “Duh, yes!”

Mom and Dad – “OK (eyeballs rolling), whatever” (we watched and they really have lots of videos on this stuff!)

Time goes on and at least he doesn’t want those Airsoft guns, right?

Well he wants the Stampede, so, I order it and, Amazon  (LOVED Amazon this Christmas) delivers. I open it and WOW!!! The Damn thing has clips in it for automatic dispersal of the bullets. The Damn thing is a machine gun. It was as BIG as a real machine gun (I think as I have never seen one in person).  OH HELL NO!!! I couldn’t, my hubby couldn’t, we just couldn’t! ESPECIALLY in light of the fact that within one month 26 lives were brutally destroyed in Newton (with guns),  a 14-year-old boy was killed in Grayson, GA (with a gun) AND a man who was a vital part of his community was shot and killed by stray bullets ( gun again). The last two I had friends who were connected to. These were in three different parts of the country Conn., Georgia and California, yet all three were had guns involved.

We couldn’t.

How Unsettling.

This post isn’t a political commentary, opinion piece, or push for any agenda. I just wanted to share and put it out there that if there is one little thing I can do to help reduce violence I will. I hope taking a stand and not giving him the gun will plant a better seed than the opposite. Of course there is WAY more my hubby and I need to do to help foster a healthy lifestyle for our boys and, we will try to do our best. Be engaged in their lives so we can help them grow into understanding there honest and natural aggressiveness.

I have no judgement for those who carry guns, use them, etc. For me , I am just too uncomfortable with that type of violence. And a good guy with a gun scares me just as much as a bad guy with a gun. I wish they weren’t so prevalent in our society and I wish there was no need for them in our society and no need for so much anger, extreme violence and total disregard for life.

I just pray that we can all help boys and girls have more respect for life and be not so insensitive to violence and death.

Hey, I’m all about Peace, Love and Soul!

 

 

In Honor of those I know of who lost their lives to guns this month.  (I know none of theme personally but have shed tears for them all)

Paul Stampleton, Jr., 14 years old

Victor McClinton, 49 years old

- Charlotte Bacon, 2/22/06, female
- Daniel Barden, 9/25/05, male
- Rachel Davino, 7/17/83, female.
- Olivia Engel, 7/18/06, female
- Josephine Gay, 12/11/05, female
- Ana M. Marquez-Greene, 04/04/06, female
- Dylan Hockley, 3/8/06, male
- Dawn Hochsprung, 06/28/65, female
- Madeleine F. Hsu, 7/10/06, female
- Catherine V. Hubbard, 6/08/06, female
- Chase Kowalski, 10/31/05, male
- Jesse Lewis, 6/30/06, male
- James Mattioli , 3/22/06, male
- Grace McDonnell, 12/04/05, female
- Anne Marie Murphy, 07/25/60, female
- Emilie Parker, 5/12/06, female
- Jack Pinto, 5/06/06, male
- Noah Pozner, 11/20/06, male
- Caroline Previdi, 9/07/06, female
- Jessica Rekos, 5/10/06, female
- Avielle Richman, 10/17/06, female
- Lauren Rousseau, 6/1982, female (full date of birth not specified)
- Mary Sherlach, 2/11/56, female
- Victoria Soto, 11/04/85, female
- Benjamin Wheeler, 9/12/06, male
- Allison N. Wyatt, 7/03/06, female

Reflections During The Unpacking

I’m having quite a time unpacking the many, many and many more, boxes we have from moving. The moving company kindly (sarcasm because they really went overboard on the packing BUT I didn’t have to do it!) packed every single item in its own wrapping and placed them, sparingly, in boxes; lots of boxes.

Now we have so many boxes I could open a box store for the holidays. We have every size and shape box you can think of. We also have paper to wrap your items and pad the box with. Our garage is literally floor to ceiling full of boxes. The house has had it’s share of boxes too. Not to mention, we have unpacked dozen of boxes already (no exaggeration on the dozens part).

Unpacking boxes has given me a big dose of reality. We have too much S#%*!!

I am all in the Christmas spirit HOWEVER as I unpack I recognize that my family has more than enough. We are blessed and, as I make my fourth trip to Goodwill to donate items, I think we should do something more than just exchange gifts this year.

For a few years, on Thanksgiving morning, we delivered Meals on Wheels. We have taken all the boys do so many times. This year we didn’t and I really think we need to for Christmas. We need to do something on a consistent basis. Material items are not fulfilling or necessary and, as I witness this tough economy and natural anomalies as Sandy I unpack and reflect that others are in need, right now and we can do something about it. That is my reason for the season.

What will you do to help a neighbor this season? Oh, and if you need boxes I have a garage full!

A bathroom sharing dilemma

My sweet (notice the sarcasm) family of five, three boys, the hubby and myself (the only female) have been in a hotel for five days. I am not complaining, especially in the aftermath of Sandy.

We are blessed to have stayed here for four weeks (sarcasm on the four weeks part of it). We are simply waiting to move into our new home here in Pittsburgh, PA.

We have enough space, a cute kitchen, and daily housekeeping, HOWEVER, we share a bathroom. One woman, 4 dudes.

This is a picture of my favorite shower gel, on the floor of the bathtub, after my oldest son (12yo) took a shower.

Me: “Why is my shower gel in the bathtub floor?”

Son: “What shower gel?”

Me: (pointing it out) “That one”

Son: “Oh that, I didn’t know that was what that was. I have been using that as my shampoo.”

Me: 😡

Sharing a bathroom, with my boys, is bad, very bad.

Falls Embrace

Fall has found me in transition. Just like the leaves turning, we too are turning. Our life in Georgia has ended. This is a very big deal for my hubby because he was born and raised in Atlanta, Georgia.

He returned and lived in Georgia for the past twelve years. He left Georgia as a single young man and returned with a wife (me) and, together we increased by three. His father was the last living male of nine. His father was the only one to have a son to carry the family name. We, in turn have the only boys in the family that now carry the family name. My in-laws got to experience the births of their only grandsons. My hubby, their only son, gave his parents such joy.

Our twelve years in Georgia encompassed so much, but it’s time to go. In our time here, my husband’s parents are have both gone on. It was time for him to go on too.

We arrived here in Pittsburgh at a beautiful time of year. The land gave us her best. The vibrant. warm colors surrounded us as we arrived, as though it was embracing us. I realized then that although this is a transition that isn’t always easy, it is beautiful and it is meant to be.

Sons Smile

Moving and uprooting the children from their only home has been a true transition. I have to say I think they have done quite well with the move. They are a joy to be around during the transition. However, I am very aware that we have uprooted them, and it hit me hard the other day when my baby boy (who turned 6 years old the other day) said this.

Him: “Mom, can you please write to Mrs. Adams (his Kindergarten teacher in GA) and tell her that today is my birthday and, that I miss them very much”

Me: With big eyes tears in my eyes, “Of, course, as a matter of fact I’ll help you write a letter yourself”

Him: “OK” with a big smile on his face

That smile lifted my spirits and my heart. We then headed off to have a birthday morning treat before he went to his new kindergarten class where he celebrated with his new friends/classmates in his kindergarten class here.

See that smile below

His smile has always given me the boost that I need to continue on as a Mom. I know that my life influences his life so much, and I always pray that we are doing right by him and our three boys. I am so grateful for them all and their patience with my husband and I as we parent them.

Thanks for the smiles son!

Memorial Day

I saw this picture on Pinterest and it warmed my heart. Seeing the hands of various hues holding on to one flag reminded me of how great unity is. How great it is when there is no discrimination, racism, sexism or any other -ism. It reminded me of why we celebrate Memorial Day. Then the picture below broke my heart.

Did this young woman lose a father, a brother or a husband?  Her grief is more than I can imagine or my heart can take right now as I sit on the couch with my three boys and man-child  husband. I am so VERY thankful for my life as I sit here enjoying this weekend. I am very mindful of the fact that MANY people have sacrificed their life to serve our country. My political opinions and “bent” are more liberal and moderate and often those who are conservative want to take on the cause of supporting the military however I think any decent person, regardless of politics, should support our troops. We do and I hate that war even exsist. I hate to see so many men and women suffer from PTSD and injuries due to the wars.

My family has been blessed. I have had family serve in War World II, Vietnam and The Korean War with distant relatives who served in the Gulf and Afghanistan. Luckily they have all come back home with life and limbs in tact. Thank you God for that and for them.

As I sit around and eat some Bar-B-Que (I hope hubby will make that will happen) tomorrow. I will also remind our three sons of the sacrifices others made for us. I will remember my grandfather and father-in-law who are gone and lie as noble veterans in our eyes.

My practice for yoga tomorrow will focus on sacrifices. My day will involve having the boys reach out to veterans. What will you remember this Memorial Day?

Summer is Here

Summertime is here! Well, the summer solstice isn’t until June however all three boys are officially out of school today! The 5-year-old finished last week (he was in Mother’s morning Out 4-year-old class) so he’s been home. I am now counting down the minutes until it arrives with awful great expectations. I am excited that we don’t have to engage in the daily early morning “wake up get ready” yelling discussions ( I engage in – they ignore). We can sleep in, especially since they are taking a season off from swim team (first time in a while). I am feeling ready, confident that we will have a good summer.

I think…

I hope..

I Pray…

O.K. I know I am supposed to cherish these boys, love the fact they will be home everyday, all day, with me, did I mention all day.

I recognize that I have a limited amount of time with them and every homeschooling friend I have will pop me upside the head for feeling differently BUT I have to tell you my patience is running thin (notice they have yet to have one summer day here and already I feel this way)! This summer Insanity Sanity will be had by all.

A 12-year-old, 10-year-old and 5-year-old boy will not defeat me. If they do, hubby can handle it. Who am I kidding?! We’re going down, but not without my plan. I have plans!!!  Chores will be done,  lots of time will be spent outside (by them not me) and at the pool and you better believe a good VBS camp will be found! I’ll be at the gym DAILY! A few trips here and there to go on and all will be well. That should wear them OUT!

Phew! OK, that’s my plan, we can do this.

I think…

I hope..

I Pray…

Now, I feel better. I have vented and all will be well. My cool will be kept all summer long.

My yoga mat beacons and I’ll have a good smoothie to follow right now. I have to get some yoga in right now because the hours are going by fast and they will be home SOON.

ALL SUMMER LONG!

What are your summer plans?

Being a Mom

My youngest son is 5 years old. He hasn’t started kindergarten yet, so we get to spend time together alone, for a few hours, on weekdays. During most of these days I often find myself wanting to spend time doing chores, checking my emails and doing “stuff” as opposed to just “being” here with him. One day this week while he played, I just sat outside on the deck and caught up on my emails, worked on my computer and was there for him when he wanted my attention or wanted me to play with him. My munchkin played; no toys, no brothers just him and myself close by.

He doesn’t want me to bother too much. We have a ton of toys and notice he picked up the some bricks the contractor left and went to the sand pile (again left by the contractor) and began his own project. I just sat and watched, he sang and played and afterwards we ate together and were happy. I am glad I took the time to sit outside with him on this day.

When my older boys were his age I was able to take time to sit outside to play with them, engage them in activities and really spend more quality time with them. They are 16 months apart so my life revolved around caring for them. Now that I have three boys and there is a five-year gap between the middle and youngest son I find myself busier and not taking the time to really focus on my third son. He is going to begin school  this upcoming Fall, and I will miss these opportunities, so I have decided to spend more time with him and to allow him to be free to play and be a little kid for a little while longer. I will transition into a new season of motherhood soon. I will have all three boys out of the house for the first time in 12 years. When he goes to school I will miss this, so I will enjoy this time now.

In light of the current news of families losing their boys to murder, suicide and tragedy I just want to love on my sons and appreciate their life and my life with them. We are blessed to have these boys and I am blessed to be a Mom.

Being a Mom is so rewarding, difficult yes, but these days and moments are refreshing for me!

Bakasana Family Love

The other night when my entire family decided to practice yoga together; I was very touched. It wasn’t a pre-planned event where I laid out mats and we had instructional time. It was spontaneous, challenging and fun. I felt love and warmth in my heart and soul for this bunch as they practiced Bakasasna (crow (crane) pose).

I have been teaching yoga, weekly, for about 6 years now.  I have really tried to not push yoga on anyone in the house. I do have my own practice, so, of course, throughout the years they have watched, participated and even inquired about it on their own. My two older boys have even taken classes that I have taught for kids. In yoga the boys giggle and enjoy it but are not serious yogis. My husband has back issues and visits the masseuse and chiropractor often. They always tell him to do more yoga and he tells, ‘them my wife teaches that”, and they just give him a crazy look and ask him why he doesn’t do more yoga. He then comes home and we will do some yoga. We do yoga every now and then, and I show show him things to do to help him out. We even do a little couple yoga now and then, but no consistent practice. So we aren’t the “yogi family”, or  so I thought. Being with three boys and a man-child has makes us a football and baseball family.

Now, don’t get me wrong my family knows the importance of a yoga practice especially with the type of sports they are engaged in but, they need a little prodding and I already nag about  enough stuff (chores, homework, etc.). So imagine my delight when it hit me that my family is a “yogi family”.

The reality hit me the other night when my oldest (11 yo) showed me he could do Bakasana. He struggled a bit and was getting frustrated so I then got on the floor and just talked him into being calm and focused and trying again.  He began to  look to me for more guidance so I then did Bakasana.  He tried again and then hubby wondered if he could do it so he got onto the floor with us. He was so surprised and excited that he had the strength to do it! My middle son happened to walk in on us and jumped right in with confidence and an attitude of  ”let me show all of you how its done”. He dropped on the floor and did it with ease (he has always been able to do this). Now all four of us are on the floor practicing our Bakasana together and then trying to go into other asanas (postures) as well. The little one (5-year-old) even jumped in!

The entire J5 (our family nickname) is all into it. I sat back and just watched and it hit me, I do have a “yogi family”! Look at my little brood, practicing together, finding their strength, being challenged, laughing, goading each other on to just try again, and just having fun doing what Momma does all of the time. All these years I didn’t need to nag, or push them into it, it just happened. I guess I do have some influence over these bodies filled with testosterone and they do see the value in what I do and how valuable it will be for them in their own personal journeys as well.